10. Doubts....

24-04-2013 02:28

It has been quite a while since I wrote down my feelings here, but that doesn't mean that time stood still (on the contrary). After realising that my dominant feelings are a fact, I needed time to accept it, and just that seemed a bit harder than I thought. That's because it came out of the blue for me. Imagine that you meet this sweet, hot and great looking guy, start a sexual relationship at first and you find out that he's BDSM minded. You feel like playing the game of being out of control and be his sub, so you do. Then, only by trying it the other way around just to experience how that would be, suddenly you 'see the light' and life will be different ever since. But it seems easier than it is..

So he played his game with me twice and I enjoyed it. But after my experience as his Mistress, it felt more than just a game, it turned out to be a fundamental part of who I am. I'm the one who wants to be completely in control, all the time! Those feelings were so new and intense to me that in my head it felt like a sort of  rollercoaster, taking over my emotions from time to time. I tried to control this mindset, which was hard. It may sound weird, but I had to learn how to deal with my Mistress' mind, and that started with fully accept the Mistress in me.   


Like the other day when I came home again like I do each Thursday after some days away. He had been in his chastity belt for four days (one of the basic rules was that I could order him to put on his chastity belt whenever I wanted to, and that he would follow up my orders from that moment without any hesitation) and during those days I sent him text messages to make him do things for me to please his Mistress. I was totally in control of his body and mind and he felt that 24 hours a day.

He was waiting for me on the couch where he sat, blindfolded, cuffed and gagged as I had told him to. I walked up to him and touched him with a stroke of my hand, took a zip of the glass wine he had poured in before my arrival, ordered him to stand up and fastened him to the two chains hanging down from the ceiling. I just left him there when I took a hot shower and afterwards I went into the bedroom to put on some nice lingerie. I walked towards him on my black high heels wearing a black corset with shiny thin black stockings, just touched his body slightly and took his nipple in my mouth. First I only used my tongue very softly, but my teeth made him realise that his Mistress wasn't as satisfied as he thought she would be. There's only one way to learn your sub to do as you say and please you the way you demand....... So if I say that he has to answer all my text messages within 7 minutes and some took 8 minutes or more......PUNISHMENT.

So I made him feel my whip as long as it pleased me and he could  tell me why I was not satisfied over and over again. This to make sure that he wouldn't make the same mistake again, cause he knows he will be punished again and that that punishment will be harder to cope with. I unchained him and ordered him to crawl to  the couch again where I wanted him to go and sit in the corner and took of his gag first. I grabbed my keys to unlock his chastity belt and also took that off, I could hear by the sound of his voice that that was a welcome relieve. My hand sliding over his very hard cock was giving him even more pleasure, but I told him not to make any sound and with a firm voice that he wasn't allowed to cum. I was giving my toyboy a very hard time by touching him the way he loved most with the knowledge that he couldn't let himself go even if the feeling became too strong. I enjoyed being in control until he said that he could not longer hold it and as his Mistress I wasn't pleased at all. It was not up to him, I decide when you can and can't so don't even think about it. But it did happen and his seed was dripping all over my hands.... I was sitting on that couch and could not say a word, pushed him aside and just sat there staring at the table in front of me. My toyboy was still blindfolded, but felt my unsureness and asked for a time-out.

I was very upset and even started to cry at some point. I asked myself why this had such an impact on me, I was really pissed off and blamed him for not being submissive enough. We talked things over for about an hour or more and I decided to give it a break for now, I doubted if this was my thing because it felt like failure so strong. He told me that it had such an impact on me because it's not a game for me, but a part of who I am, otherwise I would not feel this way. I wasn't convinced and felt very insecure about the start of this evening and the only thing I wanted were his arms around me. We sat there untill midnight and after a few glasses of wine I longed for my bed so we called it the day and crawled into our bed. When he did put his arms around me it suddenly felt like a 'no go' and my unsatisfied feelings took over, I commanded him to get out of our bed and sleep in his cage because it's a kind of reward to sleep next to me. Wanted him to feel my disapointment by sleeping there instead of holding me....I locked the cage, turned into bed, watched my boy and fell asleep. I did wake him up in the middle of the night for about three times to give me the pleasure of his hard and big cock by standing outside the cage against the bars and made him do the job from the other side over and over again. Told him if he did his best by pleasing me he could join me again and finally at seven in the morning I took him into the bed. Fastened him with his hands on the bar above him and sat on my knees in front so he could slide into my o so wet and demanding pussy and give it to me the way I like best, while watching all in the mirror in front of the bed. I told him he had to cum on my command and if not he would sleep in his cage again, he did exactly what I told him to that night and I felt so powerful again....


My doubts were gone.


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